Today, after having spent a sleepless night in captivity anxiously awaiting the dawn and my near certain demise at the rotting hands of a re-animated corpse, I was brought before the zombie overlord. He was actually quite pleasant for a decaying shell of a once human being.

He introduced himself and immediately apologized for the condition of my living arrangements the night before, then got out his soap box and proceeded to boast about his tribe of zombies and their unique approach to collecting brains and flesh. Other zombies, he claimed, were so uncivilized, what with all the wandering about moaning and crying out for their "braaaaains". It was such an impersonal experience, he explained. His tribe, on the other hand, went to all this effort to meet me personally, to really get to know me.

At this point, he allowed me the opportunity to tell him a bit about myself and my life thus far, and presented me with a selection of various fruits and other wild edibles, for which I was truly grateful. He even arranged a little dance in my honor, which was performed by two female zombies who I almost would have considered attractive, if it weren't for the decaying flesh and my imminent demise and all.

Having thoroughly enjoyed the entertainment, the zombie overlord allowed me to finish my meal before summoning two from his tribe to escort me back to my living arrangements, with the promise that he would call on me again shortly.

It was only after returning to my living arrangements, leaning back against the cold steel bars which formed its walls, and breathing in again the foul stench of death which penetrated the air all around me and came from the previous occupant, a pile of bones on the dirt floor, that I began to wonder why the zombie overlord went through all this trouble for little old me and, more importantly, how was I going to slaughter the rotten, decaying, flesh-eating brainless corpsified overlord without making him feel like I was just taking advantage of his hospitality.

This, however is a quandary best left for the morning when I am well-rested.


P.S. Send help.